Your significant other comes to you and gives you a laundry list of resolutions that he or she proposes to put into practice for the upcoming year. Supportively, you nod and reply to these declarations of change with kind words of encouragement. The next few days are a little awkward, at first. But, slowly and steadily you begin readjusting your life to accommodate your partner's needs. And, soon you don't mind that there isn't any more cookie stashes in kitchen cupboard or that all the ashtrays have been discarded and the alcohol on hand is limited to a few bottles of only the "good stuff". All of these seem like small sacrifices, in lieu of the overall goal. That is, until, you discover the cigarette carton hidden in an old coffee can behind the cleaning supplies or the empty cookie carton that ended up in the trash can (but, not inside the bag itself). And, now you're pissed off thinking about all the things you could of partook in and didn't on your partner's behalf. Or, you can't believe that you've been deceived by the one you trusted the most. If you find yourself in this situation, I offer this advice, "Don't get mad, get a journal." For the skeptics, I will explain.
I've been married for 15 years and my husband would approach me, year after year, with some new plan to "better" his life. I would always go along for the ride and I strived to make the best of it. Although, he had good intentions, my husband never seemed able to follow through on his resolutions. Mostly, he ended up "cheating" or "back-tracking". Initially, I was upset. And, after the anger subsided, I became disappointed in him and myself. This led to some resentment issues and, for a short while, we played the "blame" game. That is, until, I brought a journal. Not for me, but for him. When he came running to me with his new plans, I would tell him to write it down in his journal, plan it out and record his progress. Over time, my husband developed a sense of accountability. And, I was no longer responsible for pointing out his failures. Occasionally, he would invite me to view some of his entries and it became a bonding experience between us. I, truly, regret not having thought of this idea sooner. Hopefully, this advice will be helpful to those couples who find themselves in similar circumstances. TTYS.....Nikki
